Dying to Live

Please don't be alramed when you read this one. I'm just not feeling life anymore. And I don't want to do anything to hurt myself or anyone esle so I'm kinda venting right. Ok you have been warned.

I wonder if they will laugh when I'm dead.
I mean it feels like I'm all alone,
In this cold world.
All those people who call themselves friends,
Probably didn't see this coming.
I'm already dead on the inside,
Might as well bring it out.
Sorry that I lied to you,
I'm not happy,
The smile on my face just puts me to sleep at night.
Hope it does the same for you,
So I wonder if you'll care when I'm dead.

Why I'm fighting to live,
When I'm living to fight.
Never felt accepted by the world,
So I stay at home and play video games.
Sit at home alone,
Slit my wrist and cry myself to sleep at night.
Dark thoughts cloud my head,
And blurs my vision.
Always picked last,
Cause I was the small guy.
But when the games were done,
Bobby died in New Orleans,
Jimmy died in Cali,
And I get to die in the Stuy.
So now I wonder if they'll miss me when I'm dead.

Why I trying to see,
When there anit nothing in sight.
All there is shady people,
False hope,
Backstabbing snakes,
And bottles of pills.
So I grab the Vicodin,
Mix it with the Prozac,
Then fall back.
See is this really worth seeing,
Rather see a wood ceiling,
So now I wonder if they'll morn when I'm dead.

Why am I trying to give,
When no one gives me a try.
I know I'm a nice guy,
But people take it as a weakness.
Do I change because of this,
No because it makes me,
Who I am.
I know what I'm doing,
Wondering,
Hoping,
Dreaming.
People just don't understand,
So now I wonder will they if they will cry when I'm dead.

Why am I dying to live,
When I'm just living to die.
For getting into hell,
Maybe easy.
That's why life on Earth is hard.
Some people have there religion,
Most have God,
All I have is the pen,
The paper,
So where do I lay my trust?
In words I guess.
If there really is a heaven,
Wonder if I'm going,
Wonder when I die will I really smile,
Will I tear?
But I know I'm going to laugh when I am dead.