Suicidal Dreams

Maybe I should end it all tonight,

One shot I could end it all tonight,

Why fight when I could end it tonight?

The pain rolls deep into my soul,

Then I see that the whole world is cold.

This is why I wanna go,

But my reflection is telling me no.

It tells me there is a beauty,

Sleeping in this beast.

Well sleeping beauty,

Needs to get up,

Because the person I am really sucks.

See I want the old me to die,

So I guess that why I attempted suicide,

Once, twice,

Maybe thrid times a charm.

People blame my enviroment,

Others the music,

But I know what it is.

This whole realm of reality,

This plain of exsistance.

Sometimes I think I try to hard,

Give people my all for a slap in the face.

Give the a trillion,

They give you about one.

Next stop,

The ark.

Where all the drifters,

And people with no real home,

Can come and find companionship.

The realm of art is where I'm off to,

So no longer will I fight this,

That one shot will end it all tonight,

Forget the rest of the world,

Now I'm giving myself a chance at happyiness.

~SMB

Heartless

Today Luigi reminded me that as much as I hate to admit it, I am human. It's crazy but a few words can remind you of your humanity. I know that some days the people can be cruel. In this case a few months. But he forced me to see the world for what it really is. A place in which you can't go on holding on to hard feeling. No matter how strong you feel about it. Well now I can't do my English homework because I feel horrible about it. Well not horrible I can't feel horrible about anything I did to a person that desirves it. Sure people think I'm a little truculent. But hell I could be worst. I'm just honest. Anyway I gotta write something new for English now.

10min

It takes only a few moments to change your life. Here's the few that changed mine.




10mins and I was on,
A second later and I was gone.
Didn't know what to do or say,
So I said nothing.
Didn't even show up,
Spent the next 48 hours alone in my bedroom.
Asleep,
Depressed,
Alone.
See I was stressed,
Seeing pink loins,
Blue tigers,
And red bears,
Oh my.
But that's not what scared me,
It was your beauty.
A beauty that rocked the heavens,
Something to knock the gods off their pedestals.
A beauty the questioned,
The fabric of space and time it self.
Now you see why,
Why I could never go on.
This is why I'm stressed,
Never being able to take center stage.
It is like I'm cripple,
Forever leaning on this crutch.
People claim I'm destined to fail,
The fate's told me I'm going to lose,
But my heart tells me a different tale.
My heart says,
Even the gods at one point tasted defeat,
But they rise,
So while down in the dark abyss that is failure,
Reach forward on to the light.
My heart told me,
That one day,
One day soon,
If I just think positive,
Put some will into my plan,
Success will be at my door.

Mario, Dark and Daisuke

Ok of course there is Mario. But you guys who know me should know that Mario isn't the only side of me. Mario just happens to be the hero of our story. Mario is the guy who always wins. But Daisuke is the guy who for the most part strikes out with well everyone. Most guys don't like me because I'm quote on quote softer than toilet tissue. While most girls don't like me because they find me to be stuck in that friend zone. While Dark is a little spontaneous. He just gets up and go. So you see. Mario is basically the gamer and the school kid. While Daisuke is the writer and the photographer. Then there is Dark the not so collective person who would just as easily walk up to you and kiss you as well as punch you in the face.

Dark (Purple Hair)

Daisuke (Red Hair)

Dying to Live

Please don't be alramed when you read this one. I'm just not feeling life anymore. And I don't want to do anything to hurt myself or anyone esle so I'm kinda venting right. Ok you have been warned.

I wonder if they will laugh when I'm dead.
I mean it feels like I'm all alone,
In this cold world.
All those people who call themselves friends,
Probably didn't see this coming.
I'm already dead on the inside,
Might as well bring it out.
Sorry that I lied to you,
I'm not happy,
The smile on my face just puts me to sleep at night.
Hope it does the same for you,
So I wonder if you'll care when I'm dead.

Why I'm fighting to live,
When I'm living to fight.
Never felt accepted by the world,
So I stay at home and play video games.
Sit at home alone,
Slit my wrist and cry myself to sleep at night.
Dark thoughts cloud my head,
And blurs my vision.
Always picked last,
Cause I was the small guy.
But when the games were done,
Bobby died in New Orleans,
Jimmy died in Cali,
And I get to die in the Stuy.
So now I wonder if they'll miss me when I'm dead.

Why I trying to see,
When there anit nothing in sight.
All there is shady people,
False hope,
Backstabbing snakes,
And bottles of pills.
So I grab the Vicodin,
Mix it with the Prozac,
Then fall back.
See is this really worth seeing,
Rather see a wood ceiling,
So now I wonder if they'll morn when I'm dead.

Why am I trying to give,
When no one gives me a try.
I know I'm a nice guy,
But people take it as a weakness.
Do I change because of this,
No because it makes me,
Who I am.
I know what I'm doing,
Wondering,
Hoping,
Dreaming.
People just don't understand,
So now I wonder will they if they will cry when I'm dead.

Why am I dying to live,
When I'm just living to die.
For getting into hell,
Maybe easy.
That's why life on Earth is hard.
Some people have there religion,
Most have God,
All I have is the pen,
The paper,
So where do I lay my trust?
In words I guess.
If there really is a heaven,
Wonder if I'm going,
Wonder when I die will I really smile,
Will I tear?
But I know I'm going to laugh when I am dead.

Friday The 13

Saw a movie
Got robbed
That is all.

Day 4 of The Never Ending Period

After 4 years. 4 long years. A friend of ours pointed something weird out. It was a weird lingering smell. A smell that bother us for years. Well it is back now and it's heavier than ever. It's too strong. And with her bitchy ass attitude it's not covering it up. Somethings got to give. Pick one damn it. Either be a bitch or be a stink fly. Take your pick. Ummmm I think I understand why guys won't talk to you now. You fucking stink guys don't like stink. And being a stink elephant is a horrible mix. Well whale egos can't float above it, so you better get some fucking self confidence. Damn Sharp made the ill tight face today it was crazy. Oh well that's you maybe one of your friends will tell you. By the way we made all of $10 at that auction that I've been downing for months. Oh yeah that reminds me I spent $4 dollars so all you really made was $6 got damn. Like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Anyway I'm quiting soon anyway, my reasons for even doing yearbook have changed and those reasons aren't there anymore. Hell when I'm gone, just carry on. Shit don't know what the next post is going to be on. This series might in today. It's a big maybe lets see how it turns out you know, something may change. SMB out..

Outside Looking

I’m on the outside,
I’m looking in,
I can see through you,
See the real you.

You are really extra fake,
No real people skills,
Sitting behind a keyboard,
Making fake relationships,
With fake pictures,
Of fake white chicks,
Go steal a personality trick.

Inside you're ugly,
Ugly indeed,
I see your true colors,
And it’s not blue.

See you’re more of a green inside,
Envious,
Quite frankly it’s not cool,
You talk about being hot,
But you make your friends feel blue,
Can’t you see their trying to help you,
Want to plan a trip,
Get there and sit,
Then yak it up from your keyboard,
You’re not doing shit,
You know while you stay texting,
He out there sexing,
You just look silly.

And I’m not sorry,
It’s human nature,
I’m not a bitch,
Don’t try and shit on me.

At least I’m being,
Your extra fake ass,
Letting you know what’s on mind,
While because they gave me free time,
I’m not _____,
I’ll let you know how I feel,
Now I think I’ll move on before,
Your feelings get killed.

Day 3 of The Never Ending Period

By now you think I would hold my tongue. But I just love flaming the adminstation. Where better to start than with the informant. Hi it's me. Yes Mario is back on the fuck you kick. Im super crazy and by now you should know this by now. Why you coming at me extra reckless lady? Call my dude Chris Breezy on your shit. Lol but thats not really funny. Anyway whats with you? Nobody in the community service group cross-over into your group. So don't cross-over into us. Go hang with your friends at TEENSPACK and yours buddy Autro and Chuk. You know when gay guys are the only guys that can talk to you with a straight face, that should tell you something right. I know if only lesbians were the only type of girls that can talk to me with a straight face I'd shoot myself. Yo but I'm out my next post is going to be Outside.

FLAME ON

John was right,
All little girls lie,
All little girls cheat,
And you a little girl Miss,
Missing out on life,
But I'm not here to give you any got damn pity,
Shit I'm here about to do something really silly,
Give you the time a day,
That your man can't give you,
Dating dudes in college online and shit,
He probably getting some head while I'm venting this,
Anyway this is me letting you know I'm sick of you,
Sick of games,
And the all bullshit too,
You off the list,
Were done,
Basically I'm saying fuck you,
Its not just me,
Your best friend mad too,
But me and her are different,
She waiting on you,
The bad thing is,
You're going to fuck that up too,
Repeat the thing that got her mad with you,
And why the fuck you snitching on the click,
But you know what fuck it,
I'm no bitch,
Don't try and shit on me,
Take that to that Ryan nigga,
Shit your his problem,
You not fucking up my job,
The rest of us got real lives chick,
The world won't stop for you,
And so what I'm still hung up on your friend,
I really don't give a fuck if she never call again,
Queen of Hearts always knows where she stands,
You might be right about one thing,
I might never find Peach,
Still don't give a fuck,
See I'm me,
I don't get mad when my friends are happy,
Try to break up their lives so I can be happy,
See that right their is you,
You think as a friend you be happy,
Oh no your ass gets all sappy,
And as long as I'm sad,
Your glad,
Well fuck I'm happy all day,
Every day,
By the way,
Your not a little girl,
Your a little girl trapped in a whales ego,
And an elephant body,
I really don't give a fuck how wrong I am,
I'm not sorry,
For shit I said,
Go tell who you tell,
Show who you show,
I'm writing what I feel,
Now I got to go.

Day 2 of the Never Ending Period

Damn when people see me they should be like FLAME ON!!!! It's day 2 of the month long period and quite frankly I'm sick of the bullshit. So call, text, IM, or whatever it is you have to do to reach that Ryan guy because this one is all about you. I'm on the fucking yearbook staff so why the hell did you move my got damn pictures. WHAT THE FUCK IS MY JOB TITLE????? It's photographer. What does photographer mean??? Photographer- produce and preserve images that paint a picture, tell a story, or record an event. To create commercial-quality photographs, photographers need technical expertise, creativity, and the appropriate professional equipment.
Oh wow. I didnt know I had to take photos with a purpose. And my purpose was to take photos for well pages in yearbook. Ok next issue before I flipout about pics. Why the fuck are my got damn pages were moved. It went from 40 something, to 59. Then it went from being done, to blank. Shit don't be mad because I have a fucking life. Oh yeah were going to the movies Friday. Teminate me damn it. Get the IP address and striaght ghost the yearbook website. Shit I would quit if it wasn't for Sacha and Mark. Plus I love pissing you off, it gets me off, like watching two girls like each other down. Anyway I got a whole poem in my head writen so I'll get back to flaming her again later.

It's Me

I’m super,
Thanks for asking,
Just got me a star,
Now I’m moving extra fast,
Gotta love it,
Making moves in my class,
Living everyday like it’s my birthday,
So you damn right I’m a put a ring on it,
Plus I get a one up every time you play,
Guess that’s why I never die,
17 lives,
Or 17 years,
Either way,
I’m infinitely better than what you think,
So don’t think too hard,
I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself,
Don’t breathe too hard,
It’s not good for your health,
Please be clear,
I love this here,
Poetry is my life,
Ummmm,
Scratch that Poetry is my wife,
So I guess that makes her my life too,
But no 16-bit,
Can toss my kit,
Sorry Peach,
But I’m on my own with this,
Love me,
Or hate me,
I’m still the same kid.

Yearbook

It took like forever to get a little bit of information done. And now she is on this do this, do that, and shit. Now we got this bullshit ass paper thing. Its a huge fucking packet about nothing. Now we also have these got damn name tags. With meeting all this week glad I have Gears to fall back on. Or at least Burnout Paradise.

Unapologetic

I'm not sorry for shit,
Really don't give a fuck what you feel,
Chicks be on there period,
Leaking and shit,
But I'm no bitch,
So don't bleed on me,
Over here trying to work,
With a nat in my ear,
Turn on a light,
Let it burn in the flame,
Its like people just want to you fail,
Hoping that you fall off,
So you feel down,
Get mad when you make a name for yourself,
Even madder when you doing better with yourself,
It's like when you breathe,
You're killing slowly,
Hating ass people,
Where's the love,
Guess it left it with that Bush guy,
But that besides the point,
I'm not sorry,
It's human nature,
Forget you haters,
You anit got shit on me,
I'm not losing nothing,
So fuck it I'm going in,
But right now I'm done,
With this,
Kiss my ass you hating pricks.

Meaningless Feelings

Was I always like this,
All super,
Outspoken and shit,
Guess so,
It seems that way,
So I’m not sorry,
But I don’t mean to be this way,
I’m like this because people change,
They switch up with no warning,
So why be apologetic,
Cause I am,
Who I say I am,
And I don’t give a damn,
How you feel,
No,
It will not switch up,
Never,
Because I’m going shine forever,
No matter what,
Or whether not,
I got the support of my family tree,
With or without,
Princess Peach,
I think I’m going crazy,
This time around,
Talking about doing things on my own now,
Oh wow,
What’s Mario without the Mushroom Kingdom,
Still better than most,
So I’m doing this on my own,
And I’m still not sorry,
It’s human nature,
To be just like this………….

............

Sorry about that last post but it wasn't me I swear lol. It was this guy. My alter ego if you will. From time to time he will take over and I simply havee no control. I'm sorry can anyone help me stop him. Ohhhhh if anyone.....................

I Hear Voices In My Head

Sometimes I think I'm crazy,
Like when I'm home alone,
And get texts messages,
Phone calls,
From no name,
No number people,
When I pick up,
Get heavy breathing,
And when I open the messages,
There in tongs,
It tells me to do evil things.
Sometimes I know I'm crazy,
Like when I'm in class,
And the teacher being a pain,
Then the class goes wild,
When I wanna end it all,
I think about shoot up the whole building,
See I hear voices in my head,
They talk to me,
They understand,
They talk to me.
They tell me things,
Things I shouldn’t do,
They make me think,
Evil things about you,
They take control,
I lose my soul,
They want me.

College

Sitting and waiting. Waiting..........................................................................................................................................................

When the infomation gets here I will let you know how it goes. Oh yeah I didnt forget about the pictures. I still didnt fiind them yet. Lol oh well. Lets hope for the best. Oh yeah it is freezing outside.Look what it did to me.

Oh well at least I am cool.

Im Ghosted

Hello afterlife,

Its me,

You don't know who I am,

Or anything that I've done,

But I'm guilty,

Yes I did it,

Murder each letter,

Killed each lined,

Till there was none left,

Now I'm so sad,

That I'm going to off myself next,

Brawl one more time with my brothers,

Give up on finding Peach,

Let Boswer win,

And give into all my enemies,

Without words to speak,

I don't want to breathe,

But I'll do it all again,

In a heart beat,

Guess I'm feeling like this,

Cause I lost my inspiration,

Because words never die,

Only people spirits,

Now I'm on a journey,

To revive my soul,

So goodbye afterlife,

See you again soon.

Super Bowl Sunday

First off. I DIDNT WATCH THE SUPER BOWL!!!! I TOOK PICTURES OF WILDLIFE. And hung out with friends. See I have a life. I went ice skating and went to see Underworld.

Pics of the gang goes up tomorrow