Untitled

Isn’t it funny how the people closest to you change,

Find yourself using breakup lines in the mirrors,

It isn’t you it’s me, you keep telling yourself that,

She didn’t change and he didn’t neither,

It’s you.

Now you sitting in your bedroom floor thinking what to do,

Party, you do it every weekend anyway,

Grab a bottle a vodka then call over a few friends,

What’s wrong with a drink or two?

You’re in college right, do it come on don’t pussy out,

You don’t have a scholarship or a relationship,

So what is there to lose?

You’re going to be an artist anyway,

This college shit isn’t for you,

Poetry or music either way you feel the same,

Don’t worry about it,

Nobody likes you anyway finish that 20th shot.

Good good, are you still with me,

If so stand up on the couch,

Nice, I still have him,

Lean out the window buddy you can do it,

Scream let it all out, you feel better?

No, didn’t think so,

Here hit this, a few puffs won’t hurt,

Cool you’re going back to your room alone either way,

Might as well enjoy the company right,

Come on, go kiss that girl,

You don’t know her,

What harm could it do?

Genius isn’t that what you call it,

Well I’m depression, but I like genius better,

Aren’t you happy you write this well,

But it’s only when your sad,

I love the way you lie,

Especially to yourself.

Hey you how you feeling right now,

6:33am can’t sleep right,

Yeah yeah, same story different night,

Two shots knock you out nicely,

But you’re sorry, I meant to refill you.

How many people do you see tonight,

How many are actually there?

Is the help really helping,

Or are you just scared?

Why am I here you ask?

Simple you need me,

You need this,

This is all you have,

This is it,

Without you this is nothing,

Without this you are nothing,

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing,

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Hey don’t die on me,

Look I have your friends here,

Look, hey guys on three,

1….2….3….

Please be careful,

See wasn’t that helpful?

Stop thinking that they shouldn’t go,

We’re all we need,

Just you and me buddy,

Just fade into the nothing,

The nothing, let the nothing consume you,

That’s right, let go,

I have you, your all mine.

Untitled: Thoughts From a Dead Saturday

Waiting on God,
To come and save us,
Not really,
I'm daydreaming,
Things I know isn't true,
Nor that my mind may fathom,
Step back,
As we backpack,
The magic of Aladdin's lamp,
Releases the tight clamp,
Till I sleep in a place warm,
But damp,
Neither heaven nor hell,
But limbo is where the soul dwells,
Confused like Superman,
Waiting on myself to fail.

Untitled: Thoughts From a Boring Friday

Have you ever been on the edge?
Fucked up beyond your own imagination?
Where life seems like a dream,
And temptation is the answer.
Lost in your thoughts,
In this cancer,
Life a trip,
That I don't want to experience,
But I'm living it,
And I'm feeling it.
Drinking myself into a coma,
Smoking till my death,
Am I ready to go yet?
I don't know,
If I am,
Or if I'm not,
Either way,
Let me go.
Let me fly,
Let me loose,
Just let me go.

Thoughts and a Poem in Philosophy

Depression is back. But I guess this is life going in full circle again. It seems to be the human condition to be at the bottom longer than being on top. And for this to work some people must always suffer because others are always happy. So does this mean that every suicide leaves someone a happier person. Maybe, I don’t know but if so, (this is going to sound messed up) maybe one day I’ll be the benefactor of that joy. Pen to paper seems to be the only release which sucks because were in a typing age. So finger to keys then.

I know that I’m only talking to myself at this point. Because the person I always wrote to no longer reads this. Sad isn’t it? But I can’t pity or feel bad for myself, it’s against my nature. Another sad mute point at this stage in the game, is that I’m actually in need of someone to talk to. I guess I tired so hard to keep her around because I know of the pain of being alone. The fear of not having someone to turn to.

It must be nice. Having someone to talk to, that you could see once in a while. Or even having that person to begin with. It must be nice to experience life inside a circle of protection. Knowing if you expel someone that they are gone because the others will do the same. It must be nice, not being the outcast of a group. That you know people will always be there. Knowing that the ones who say they care won’t leave you. It must be nice.

I think that was just a bad level of my psychosis. But is it bad? Do we not all have a level of crazy? Is it crazy that I write to myself now, and post it on the internet? I don’t know and because no one will answer I will never know. Isn’t that grand?

For the imaginary reader out there, are you following me? When I die and people go to write about me, will you show them this? Will you tell them my story? When the social network destroys someone else will we learn? No because the social network is the only way some people can communicate. Something destroyed my conversation skills, I believe it to be text messaging and Facebook. It eliminated face time so you can’t even be sure that I (Maurice L. Brown II) is even the author of this blog. Is this a sensible post or a rant?

Would you rather read another poem by me? If you did exist your opinion would matter. Then again you couldn’t stop me from posting it. You would just have to stop reading now won’t you.

 

Lost Soul

Life

What is it?

What’s the point?

Born alone,

Die alone,

Then return to Earth.

What is there for those who don’t take?

Why should those who follow this return?

The lonely soul does not need rest,

That soul needs light,

Warmth and compassion,

If not only for a night,

Then return to a cold bitter day,

Cold sad alone bitter day,

Let this soul not rest in night,

But float until thy soul,

Meets another,

To make a happy soul,

Prepared to give,

So that one can receive.

Questions

What creates the rules?

Who allows you to follow?

how COULD you take charge?

M.I.M.S.A.O.T.F.

I’m on the pursuit of happiness, I’ll be fine once I get it. Gaga, Cudi, Eminem, Slim, Dre, Snoop, Rev Theory, Fall Out Boy. Yeah it’s just me and you.