The Things I Use To Do

I use to run an advice blog, shades of it could be found on Tumblr. The internet is enteral like that.
I use to care about my roommate, somedays I still do...
He wasn't always the brightest but his intentions were, lets avoid it.
I use to write everyday, now I write whenever.
I use to want friends, and I guess I still do...
I use to sing out loud, now only in the dark..
I use to share my thoughts, now I store them away like precious figurines...
I use to think this was a list, but it seems to want to become art,
I use to let my delusions run my life,
I believe it is now the paranoia,
I use to believe in love, but love never believed in me,
Now I believe in lost, especially the things lost to me,
Like the meaning of this, and this,
And everything above.
Now I wish for change, a change I do not understand,
Just to do something different,
A chance to be unique,
A chance to breathe,
To escape the expectations of reality,
A change from the red pill,
To the blue,
A change that will open my eyes,
To the wonders that still exist around me,
I just hope those wonders aren't lost in this fantasy...

#Rebirth

A friend reminded me I had a blog here. It was weird reliving some of my past mistakes, pain, and failures. Looking over the blogs of my  ex's because they didn't take theirs' down as well. One of them updates often, shit I hope she is doing fine. I didn't read it when I realized how recent the post was. But fuck it I'm grading waiting next year. I could bitch and moan bout the people and things I've lost thus last year but I rather think positively and move on I guess. (Maybe I just don't want to face it.)

New Religion

Normally I write love songs,
About girls scorned,
Boys wronged,
And love torn apart.

Today is different,
I met a man,
He asked me "Did I thank God?",
Cause my people made it so far,
From cotton fields to superstars,
The world is yours just ask God.

I asked him was it the same God,
The Nazi and the Klan's God,
Love thy neighbor,
Unless that neighbor is gay, God,

Oh my God, Why God?
Did you bring this heathen to me?
Tight jeans, bright eyes,
12 year old face,
Is this a test of my faith?
Thoughts of the stranger,
Using God to put the youth in danger.

The hatred and confusion,
In collusion with the institution,
Of religion,
Turning God into a villain,
Making many question the existence,
Of God's divine persistence,
And well for his children,
That is if God is male,
But it doesn't matter,
If it all fails.

Last Waltz

Can you keep a secret?

The one the my eyes tell,

That my heart screams,

Yet my mouth won't let me speak...

Look into my eyes,

The soul peers on forever,

Each day a different story,

As if it gets better.

The truth is....

The smile is a lie,

And so is the persona,

I can't show anymore weakness,

That she hasn't already exploited,

So I'll become different,

Even if just for the moment...

Allow me to apologize,

For any frustrations I cause in advance,

You see the last partner I had,

Really threw off the dance,

Each step was precise,

Yet she push them out of order,

Then she traded down,

For a less than stellar dancer,

I'm sorta like MJ,

A beautiful blazing flame,

He was more of Tito,

Always trying to steal the fame....

Truth is I may be a mess myself,

I tend to second guess myself,

Guess this is to test myself...

Time will heal all wounds,

The pain shall go away,

Steps can be relearned,

And then I'll dance,

Dance another day.

Dear Marshall

So here is a poem I wrote a few minutes ago on my Tumblr.... I decided I should post it here too.

This is an open letter,

Not to considered a confession,

Not be confused with fan mail,

You get to much of that,

I just like the name,

And the references will bring the readers back.

Hey Marshall,

I’m having a Relapse,

Bottles of alcohol and prescription caps,

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,

Dreams of murder scenes,

With faces I don’t know…

I love her,

She hates me,

Something like Kim and Haley,

I don’t sleep,

Days writing poems,

Nights crying alone,

Shell casings all over my bedroom floor…..

I want to end it tonight,

Yet my state of mind,

Paranoia, and situation,

Keeps me pacing back and forth,

I’m afraid I love her,

She really hates me,

I want to go,

But it wouldn’t fix me,

And truthfully if I do it,

It’s just to see if,

She would miss me…….. 

A Reprise

Yesterday is behind me,

Yet I feel as if it is still here,

I cleared the air,

But still I cannot breathe…

 

Each word force from my lips,

I’m lost and numb,

The cold winds are like daggers to the chest,

Each gust piercing into my soul…

 

Paranoia is a toxin,

It is all around,

Inhale it once,

Then shaking it is impossible.

Try as you may,

Try as you might,

Once inhaled you’ll never be right…

 

My thoughts whether imaginary or not,

Still cloud my judgment,

Watching patterns,

Learning, developing,

And hurting myself every step of the way.

 

What I failed to notice,

Was how bad I was hurting you,

You and you’re importance yet to be notice,

I hope I didn’t make to bad of a mistake,

I hope my soul the reaper does not take,

I hope you ignore my moment of weakness,

And I hope this all is just a bad dream,

So I won’t have to repeat this……..

The Possession of Mouse

Please Kitten forgive the loud Mouse,
She is possessed by those demons,
They'll all in her ear,
Telling her to be this...

This loud obnoxious creature,
And she is just as silly,
Cause she just wants to just please them...

Ignoring who she is,
A decent artist,
A great daughter,
Lastly a beautiful girl,
Though they love her ...

Kitten keep it claim,
All those demons shall pass,
Some crave attention,
Others crave perfection,
They both shall fail...

Allow her to repent,
Excuse her wrong doings,
Be the truth,
Let her hope in that water,
And pray that it works...

The following post has nothing to do with the series, the next one will be about a friend who is clearly possessed by something much more sinister. 

Acceptance: The Truth About Moe

There are few things,
Very few things,
That are always true,
In this life, the next, and every life after.

Pain is always consistence,
Tears always flow like a coursing river,
We all wear mask,
The music is a mirror,
And the liquor....

Oh the liquor,
The liquor,
The liquor,
The liquor,
You've been true since the first sip,
With each sip,
You strip us of these mask,
These damn mask we use to hide ourselves,
The real us, the real me.

Oh liquor,
You are the last,
The last of the pure,
The purest of truths.

Replay: The Truth About Moe

Learning, yearning,
Twisting turning,
My thoughts clouded,
Either lack of sleep,
Lack of sheep,
Or lack of peace.

I'll take the latter,
Skip a rung,
Take it. hang it, hung,
Glad to see another week done,
Yet the cycle repeats.

Sunday, Monday,
Bullshit yay,
Tuesday, Wednesday,
Bullshit yay,
Thursday, Friday,
Bullshit yay,
Saturday,
What a day?
Thinking about drinking all week.

And yet the cycle repeats.