The Things I Use To Do

I use to run an advice blog, shades of it could be found on Tumblr. The internet is enteral like that.
I use to care about my roommate, somedays I still do...
He wasn't always the brightest but his intentions were, lets avoid it.
I use to write everyday, now I write whenever.
I use to want friends, and I guess I still do...
I use to sing out loud, now only in the dark..
I use to share my thoughts, now I store them away like precious figurines...
I use to think this was a list, but it seems to want to become art,
I use to let my delusions run my life,
I believe it is now the paranoia,
I use to believe in love, but love never believed in me,
Now I believe in lost, especially the things lost to me,
Like the meaning of this, and this,
And everything above.
Now I wish for change, a change I do not understand,
Just to do something different,
A chance to be unique,
A chance to breathe,
To escape the expectations of reality,
A change from the red pill,
To the blue,
A change that will open my eyes,
To the wonders that still exist around me,
I just hope those wonders aren't lost in this fantasy...

#Rebirth

A friend reminded me I had a blog here. It was weird reliving some of my past mistakes, pain, and failures. Looking over the blogs of my  ex's because they didn't take theirs' down as well. One of them updates often, shit I hope she is doing fine. I didn't read it when I realized how recent the post was. But fuck it I'm grading waiting next year. I could bitch and moan bout the people and things I've lost thus last year but I rather think positively and move on I guess. (Maybe I just don't want to face it.)

New Religion

Normally I write love songs,
About girls scorned,
Boys wronged,
And love torn apart.

Today is different,
I met a man,
He asked me "Did I thank God?",
Cause my people made it so far,
From cotton fields to superstars,
The world is yours just ask God.

I asked him was it the same God,
The Nazi and the Klan's God,
Love thy neighbor,
Unless that neighbor is gay, God,

Oh my God, Why God?
Did you bring this heathen to me?
Tight jeans, bright eyes,
12 year old face,
Is this a test of my faith?
Thoughts of the stranger,
Using God to put the youth in danger.

The hatred and confusion,
In collusion with the institution,
Of religion,
Turning God into a villain,
Making many question the existence,
Of God's divine persistence,
And well for his children,
That is if God is male,
But it doesn't matter,
If it all fails.

Last Waltz

Can you keep a secret?

The one the my eyes tell,

That my heart screams,

Yet my mouth won't let me speak...

Look into my eyes,

The soul peers on forever,

Each day a different story,

As if it gets better.

The truth is....

The smile is a lie,

And so is the persona,

I can't show anymore weakness,

That she hasn't already exploited,

So I'll become different,

Even if just for the moment...

Allow me to apologize,

For any frustrations I cause in advance,

You see the last partner I had,

Really threw off the dance,

Each step was precise,

Yet she push them out of order,

Then she traded down,

For a less than stellar dancer,

I'm sorta like MJ,

A beautiful blazing flame,

He was more of Tito,

Always trying to steal the fame....

Truth is I may be a mess myself,

I tend to second guess myself,

Guess this is to test myself...

Time will heal all wounds,

The pain shall go away,

Steps can be relearned,

And then I'll dance,

Dance another day.

Dear Marshall

So here is a poem I wrote a few minutes ago on my Tumblr.... I decided I should post it here too.

This is an open letter,

Not to considered a confession,

Not be confused with fan mail,

You get to much of that,

I just like the name,

And the references will bring the readers back.

Hey Marshall,

I’m having a Relapse,

Bottles of alcohol and prescription caps,

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,

Dreams of murder scenes,

With faces I don’t know…

I love her,

She hates me,

Something like Kim and Haley,

I don’t sleep,

Days writing poems,

Nights crying alone,

Shell casings all over my bedroom floor…..

I want to end it tonight,

Yet my state of mind,

Paranoia, and situation,

Keeps me pacing back and forth,

I’m afraid I love her,

She really hates me,

I want to go,

But it wouldn’t fix me,

And truthfully if I do it,

It’s just to see if,

She would miss me…….. 

A Reprise

Yesterday is behind me,

Yet I feel as if it is still here,

I cleared the air,

But still I cannot breathe…

 

Each word force from my lips,

I’m lost and numb,

The cold winds are like daggers to the chest,

Each gust piercing into my soul…

 

Paranoia is a toxin,

It is all around,

Inhale it once,

Then shaking it is impossible.

Try as you may,

Try as you might,

Once inhaled you’ll never be right…

 

My thoughts whether imaginary or not,

Still cloud my judgment,

Watching patterns,

Learning, developing,

And hurting myself every step of the way.

 

What I failed to notice,

Was how bad I was hurting you,

You and you’re importance yet to be notice,

I hope I didn’t make to bad of a mistake,

I hope my soul the reaper does not take,

I hope you ignore my moment of weakness,

And I hope this all is just a bad dream,

So I won’t have to repeat this……..

The Possession of Mouse

Please Kitten forgive the loud Mouse,
She is possessed by those demons,
They'll all in her ear,
Telling her to be this...

This loud obnoxious creature,
And she is just as silly,
Cause she just wants to just please them...

Ignoring who she is,
A decent artist,
A great daughter,
Lastly a beautiful girl,
Though they love her ...

Kitten keep it claim,
All those demons shall pass,
Some crave attention,
Others crave perfection,
They both shall fail...

Allow her to repent,
Excuse her wrong doings,
Be the truth,
Let her hope in that water,
And pray that it works...

The following post has nothing to do with the series, the next one will be about a friend who is clearly possessed by something much more sinister. 

Acceptance: The Truth About Moe

There are few things,
Very few things,
That are always true,
In this life, the next, and every life after.

Pain is always consistence,
Tears always flow like a coursing river,
We all wear mask,
The music is a mirror,
And the liquor....

Oh the liquor,
The liquor,
The liquor,
The liquor,
You've been true since the first sip,
With each sip,
You strip us of these mask,
These damn mask we use to hide ourselves,
The real us, the real me.

Oh liquor,
You are the last,
The last of the pure,
The purest of truths.

Replay: The Truth About Moe

Learning, yearning,
Twisting turning,
My thoughts clouded,
Either lack of sleep,
Lack of sheep,
Or lack of peace.

I'll take the latter,
Skip a rung,
Take it. hang it, hung,
Glad to see another week done,
Yet the cycle repeats.

Sunday, Monday,
Bullshit yay,
Tuesday, Wednesday,
Bullshit yay,
Thursday, Friday,
Bullshit yay,
Saturday,
What a day?
Thinking about drinking all week.

And yet the cycle repeats.

Revelations: The Truth About Moe

We are beautifully depressing,
Like a Street Car Named Desire,
And yet I do not know my name,
Your face,
This place,
It's all so foreign.
The smell of vodka in the air,
It's so delightful,
And unfortunately.....I'm coming up short,
The more I learn,
The more I .........
This ride comes with a height requirement,
I cry,
You smile,
They'll never know us,
The way they know you.

I'm The One

I'm working on a new series of poems. So I'm throwing this bet I got going on out of the window. In the words of Ms. Marsha Ambrosius, I'm the one. To understand just ignore 2Chainz. I think the series would be called The Truth About Moe or something to that degree. It will be like a somewhere between 5 and 10 parts if my hands can keep up with it. I might put it together in a book or something I don't know. Everything is optional the first part is already done. I'm just thinking about a title right now.

http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/kanye-west-the-one-song.994944.html Kanye West – The One Lyrics 


[Hook: Marsha Ambrosius]
The storm is on the horizon
I’m standing here alone
Got a pistol on my hip
And it's gon' be some shit
If you want it then bring it on
See I'm a motherfuckin' soldier
And I’mma be here 'til it’s done
And when they asking who I'm is, shit
You just tell them that I’m the one
(One, one, one)
Tell them that I’m the one
(One, one, one)
Tell them that I’m the one

[Verse 1: Kanye West]
I'm the one, baby
Yeah, I'm the one, baby
Since God gave his only begotten son, baby
It's hard preachin' the gospel to the slums lately
So I had to put the church on the drums, baby
You on a run, baby
You on a run, baby
You think you free but you a slave to the funds, baby
You think you me, but you ain't me, what you done lately?
Mhm that's cool but I been runnin on the sun, baby
We on a galaxy the haters cannot visit
That's my reality so get off my Scott Disick
If you ever held a title belt you would know how Michael felt
Tyson, Jackson, Jordan - Michael Phelps
Yeahhh, had to take it to another realm
Cause everything around me got me underwhelmed
Best way to describe my position is at the helm
Best way to describe my new whip - Yeeeaaaalmmp

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Big Sean]
I told Detroit I'mma fuckin' get it
I told my brother we'll be fuckin' winnin'
Ye told me I'm the man for the job
So I told my mom, call her's up and tell 'em that she quittin'
Started off in that Chevrolet, but it's Ferraris I gotta drive
I'm on HBO with my entourage, I'm 5'9'' fuck a 9 to 5
I need a hundred million no compromise
I'm a double X L nigga : magazine and condom size
See what I seen and be traumatized
I don't wait, I marinate, variate erryday
Every state, sold out, fuck around and need a barricade
My weed loud I need a hearing aid
Livin' life behind a pair of shades
I be a billionaire if I could get a dollar
For all the bullshit that I hear a day
I did it

[Hook]

[Verse 3: 2 Chainz]
Treat the back seat like a sofa bed
Break bread with my niggas, call it profit share
This some good shit, but it get better
And yeah my bitch cold, nigga thin sweater
Like my verse suede and the beat leather
Just tryin' to stay above sea level
When my nigga went to jail, I said, "Free Gucci"
I done bought so much shit, I should get free Gucci
Bought my baby momma anaconda bags
I shouldn't have bought it all
I should've went and cut the grass
Snake ass niggas in my fuckin' face
Bring your girl here nigga so I could fuck her face
Yeah I run this place, this is cashmere swag
Niggas treadmillin' goin' nowhere fast
Sittin' courtside at the Hawks game
Louis on, I could trip a fuckin' ball player

[Outro: James Fauntleroy]
Fuck yeah, awesome, yeah I lost some of my mind
And then I found peace it was really kind of awesome
It's possible, goddamn right
I've been honest the whole time

Fight Club and Nuvo

I/I am slipping/I'm tripping/Floating away/And I know/They
Know/Oh yeah they know/Something is strange here/Be
There/To long and you'll feel it/It could be/Paranoia/Or maybe the drugs/Alcoholism/There
Is/Something/Something/Something/Some thing I'm forgetting/A past life/A psychological disease/There is
Something/Different/Distance/Fuck it/I know there is something wrong here/I can feel it/Something very
Wrong/Here

Like I Did, Yesteryear....

Sometimes I wish it was yesteryear,

Oh yesteryear, why did you leave me so?

Torn, broken, mangled, confused,

Mostly hurt and yearning,

Simple still.

Really, really, really, simple,

I just need to look them over,

The love and the lap-dances....

And the sins in which I paid for.

A calm is in order,.... alas,

Slowing down my world,

Could end it the world as we know it,

Selfish, conflicted, or understanding the facts?

Well..... lets be honest with ourselves, 

The weed isn't cheap,

The liquor isn't free,

The fun is over at least for me.

The ride was nice,

Yet it was yesteryear.

Who I was,

In yesteryear.

Is not who I can be,

So lost in yesteryear.

Shutting down the system,

Hiding who I am,

From who you see.

Keeping those close,

Ignorantly, blissfully away,

From I,

But allowing them close,

Close enough to pretend to,

Know me.

Sorry For the Wait

I know it's been a while since you heard from me. I'm back now, time for some death and normalcy. (Meaning poetry bad romance stories and the other shit you come to expect.) So I hope you are ready. Links and shit to come. First poem for the season coming soon.

Please understand me. This drinking shit is crazy. I'm nuts I'll admit to that, but being in love kills that. That's all you get tonight.

Confusing Your Highness

I was a peasant,

In the presence,

Of a Queen, so I created a rockstar,

Just to lose her in the lights and the scene.

But you can’t lose a Queen,

No matter how uneasy, queasy,

She is always in the spotlight,

And the media keeps me lost and confused.

I wish I could do it differently,

The worlds being so different,

My mind just differs,

Killing my dreams, dashing out my hopes.

X and O, representing hugs and wishes,

Wishes bigger than the Queen,

The peasant, the rockstar,

The Atlantic, The Pacific,

Alas, I ramble…

In my mind I was a peasant before a Queen,

Bigger than friends,

Bigger than us,

Bigger than this,

This, something, I don’t understand,

That, something, you don’t understand.

Yet everything, I wish to explain,

Is to hard to do,

Before I lose you,

I must…. explain…

Everything….

My liege, this explains nothing.

Soup and Town House Crackers

I swear I want to move in with Alice,
Commit suicide in malice,
That's homicide to the white rabbit.

Fresh off the meds, I circum to the madness,
Like this shit is in fashion,
And I hate it like a passion,
But on the meds, you like my smile,
Even though follow by and all the while,
It's really just good acting.

Vodka to sleep,
Music to feel emotions,
Weed to ease the stress,
Maybe I'm just......losing it,
But that must be the drugs,
The doctors think I'm fine,
As long as I keep popping,
They say I won't lose my mind.

The truth being,
Can you lose something....that was never found....

As a guy who watches Monday Night Raw every week the rest of you can go to hell.

More Up to Date News

Ezada says I'm in love, I think it's just my high though. But she knows me very well. You know, being a part of my imagination and such. But she thinks I'm in love with another part of my imagination. And if so it only makes sense to cut that part of me off. Correct? It's like a lobotomy, but not really. I'm confuse, and taking in all the things I've been taking in lately isn't helping. I'm fighting a pass love very often and she seem to be giving up on herself. Another friend won't speak to me, but tweet her life away. Chasing these dudes that's chasing other chicks. It's wild, but I'm the immature one. Oh well. I plan on going back to school early. And I got another event coming up. I'm excited. That's it for today