Bitter/Sweet

My mother told me once when I was little that I would grow up to be bitter and resentful.  That I would reach out for affection and every time I was rejected I would hate myself. That no matter what I did I would feel like it wasn’t good enough. That I could never be happy for to long. That something will always take away my smile. That there will always be something to complain about no matter how prefect the situation was. And that she was sorry. I never knew why she said all these horrible things where to happen to me. Nor did I know why she apologize. I remember telling her that it wasn’t true. That there was no need to apologize because she had did nothing wrong. 

But sadly I was wrong. I’m beginning to hate myself more and more each day. Thank you mom. But it isn’t just on you. You warned me about it and I didn’t believe you, I didn’t want to believe you. You tied to make me pick a side my whole life. Now it seems like I’m always going to be alone thank you mom. I know I have friends that will try to see me through this. But they have lives and better things to do. So I must rely on me to get me through this. Because we’re not guaranteed anything in this life but death.

All I really want is to be able to love, and be loved. I want something bigger than friendship. Because friendship is a label, everything comes with a label. So I want my label to mean something more. Now it is my turn to be sorry. I’m sorry that I’m going to prove you wrong mother. I am going to be happy, and get out of this slump that I am in right now. On that I swear.